Time for full-on flowering of our individual, cooperative, and ecosophic potential!
At noon today, I had my first hair cut in more than six weeks.
And this morning, I visited with paralyzed, nerve-damaged son Colin Cudmore in person, (see yesterday’s post). Part of our conversation felt like it belonged to this new moon, new beginning; metaphorically, Colin was ploughing the mysteries of the ground, in preparation for coming growth:
I quote the second half of today’s post:
May 7, 2024 A horrifically painful experience during the night; an amazing conversation this morning
This morning however, he was in fine spirits, and talked a lot, probably too loud for whatever happened to his throat after I left, one hour later — I kept telling him we needed to stop; I leave, and save the rest for the next time; but no, he needed to tell me these stories:
First, what I would call his first “experiment in consciousness.”
The idea was to return to some time in his childhood that held a good memory, and see if he could remember it now, not just as a flashback, but as a full-on recreation of its extended presence — including smells, sounds, visuals, etc. He chose a time when he was a teenager, hanging out with male friends, one of whom had a car. They always had a great time, joking around as they drove in and around Duxbury Mass, where they all lived (Colin in the shack on the beach with Sean and his narcissistic Dad and second wife, who also eventually gave up and left him; the other boys from big fancy houses in Duxbury proper). Colin chose an experience in which he would have to remember, in full, 25 minutes worth of one fun afternoon’s drive, including where they were when, what stores, houses, trees, road signs, fences etc. bordered the road, detail by detail.
“It was hard, zeroing in on a time in my past and moving into remembering it in all its detail. I worked at it for a long time; kept getting distracted, having to refocus the mind again and again — but finally achieved it. Very difficult. And very different from viewing an invention in my mind, turning it around to give different views of it in 3D. [What architects use CAD for in their designs.] That was hard when I first learned to do it; but now it’s easy.”
I told him this may very well be his first “experiment in consciousness,” and that who knows where it may lead. Very likely into out of body experiences, at least. And even time travel.
He agreed. Said that as long he’s entered a period of his life when he’s paralyzed, then how should he spend his time? This is one way. Yes, I responded, and it may lead to him helping others uncover buried traumatic memories, in order to process them.
This experiment was sparked yesterday, when he told one of his favorite aides, Haley, about being in Bellevue, near Hailey (Idaho) with me during the summer after 8th grade. I had gotten him a bike (probably from the fancy Sun Valley dump! We furnished an entire house that way), and he started to ride the bike every afternoon a few miles to a place on the Wood River where he would park, get off the bike, and walk the beautiful, winding river bottom. Private property and a few big fancy houses on both sides, but the river bottom and banks public.) He started to do this every day, without telling me or his older brother where he was going.
(Today was the first I’d heard of it!)
One day he met a young girl fresh off the boat from Mexico. Didn’t speak English. About the same age. Each day, she would be there on the river banks, at about the same time, and soon they drifted into a wordless communion, making out, “dry humping,” on a blanket she began to bring with her. Though they didn’t have verbal language, they did immerse themselves in the language of the body.
That, he told me, was his first sexual experience.
At about this time I told him I thought I should leave, given the pain that was sure to ramp up; but no, he wanted to give me the entire history of his coming into his own as a sexual being.
So I was treated to a hilarious tale, of young Colin’s education — with youngsters first, then pubescent young women, then more experienced young women; six stories in all, each one deeply amazing, unexpected, and funny, until finally, in his early 20s, he met a girl with whom he went further than just “making out,” or “dry humping.”
“And you know what Mom? Each of these females was a wonderful person. Very good partners and mentors for what I needed to learn. I still look back fondly on all of them . . .
“On the other hand, the four multi-year relationships I’ve had . . .” he looked at me with chagrin. “I can’t honestly say that I had more happy times than unhappy times when in any of those relationships.”
Apparently, he needed to tell me this amazing tale to help him process his past, when he was a sexual being; in order to let it go. He knows that what’s coming from now on, as a paralyzed person, has much more to do with consciousness, with wider and deeper experiments in consciousness; and will simply not be cut short or sidelined by the usual, all too human, sexual distractions.
I told him it appears that he has entered a state much like my own: his physical “misfortune” has forced a bump up to a larger, higher state of awareness. Like him, a paralyzed person, at 81 I am no longer “attractive” to the opposite sex; nor am I interested in this very material level of awareness. Rather, the later years, for a conscious being, are devoted to larger perspectives, dimensions, mysteries.
All in all, a very interesting visit.
