Four of us got together for an impromptu fire and meditation yesterday evening. In honor of the occasion I suggested that we each silently ask ourselves: how can I bring myself into balance after the winter months, what of my old darkness have I processed enough to be able to let go of it, and what light do I want to bring in?

Marita had built the fire, and asked me to start it ten minutes before she got home. So I did.

Our meditation was on a music app that Marita brought to the circle, by Sadhguru. Nice, brings you gradually down onto the deepest interior and then back up again.

Afterwards, she suggested we might listen to Cat Stevens, “Morning Has Broken.” This song plunged me into memory; I told the group about the morning when I, a good, obedient, inhibited housewife and mother, but internally seething with frustration,  received the first conscious intimation of a coming change. We had been invited to another couple’s house for breakfast, and “Morning Has Broken” came on the radio. Suddenly, I found myself rising from the table, walking into the living room, and beginning to dance. The words “morning has broken” felt like a benediction. I was being called. Soon I would be able to walk out of that false life, that darkness, and into the light of my own real life.

The memory of that morning is firmly lodged in my heart, although I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned it to anyone.

Right after that, Chris suggested another song, can’t remember what it was, or who was singing it, but as I told the other three, who were obviously fully enjoying the song, “this music is driving me away.” I didn’t mean it in a bad way, just that it wasn’t my music, and it was time for me to go to bed anyway.

Chris replied, nodding his head to the beat, “yes, this song is goth.”

Which gives me the perfect opportunity to finally post a hilarious meme that has been sitting on my desktop forever.

P.S. I’m the hippie.