Gobsmacked in the muddled middle of METAMORPHOSIS

September 24, 2025

As much as I would like to do what I said I would do today yesterday, I can’t. My mind, emotions and soul have been gobsmacked. Partly due to the growing complexity that is now overwhelming my original, deeply skeptical, view of the distorted hall of mirrors that attends anything to do with Erika Kirk, much of which I wasn’t aware of until yesterday evening, and all of which could be subject to phenomenological analysis that may instantly “blow it out of the water,” dissolve it into mist, or tsunamically magnify it to infinity.

Because of what I seemed to find out yesterday evening, and then pondered deeply during my usual 2 AM, two hour, wide awake period, I found myself utterly distracted, and I mean dangerously distracted this morning, while driving to the grocery store, and then nearly backing into a parked car while slowly attempting to park my car. My perspective on the lines that are supposed to guide the car into line had warped; I “woke up” to the perceptual distortion barely in time.

This near-accident sobered me considerably. But still didn’t stop me from further pondering. Then I asked my friend Laura (who is 52, BTW, not 42!, one Saturn cycle younger than me, not “half my age”) for advice. She sent that advice to me, and then made it also into a post, which I repost for your consideration.

Have you noticed?

It helped. But not enough to “put me back on (3D) track.” In fact, I think I’ve either jumped the tracks or they’ve suddenly gone underground, leaving me high and dry, and with no 5D track in sight!

Meanwhile, I’m going to take the rest of the day off. And maybe even tomorrow. Maybe not post again until Monday next. Truly, I do seem to be in a liminal period where my brain and consciousness and heart and soul are being rewired, to the point where I can’t trust myself to say anything without wanting to immediately backtrack or else spray it immediately with further questions, warping perspectives, etc.

Or maybe that’s what we’re all going through?

I’ve been personally working with the movement from 3D to 5D dimensional awareness for a long time. 5D is both empathic and neutral, plays with 3D dramas but does not succumb to them. Ever.

Oh yeah? Well, yesterday evening I fell into another “conspiratorial”(?) rabbit hole, and, frankly, still crawling around into its deep, suffocating dark.

They call what humanity is going through “ascension”?

I’d say it’s more like hell — for now.

And Laura’s right. Timelines matter. Which one am I on? LOVE? or F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real). Expansion? or Contraction? Creativity? or Cruelty? Empathic communion or Robotic routine. Which one do I prefer to be on? Which one keeps on looping me back down in, like the trauma-bonded addict I morphed into after reading Cathy O’Brien’s Trance Formation of America prior to the turn of the millennium, and taking several more years to truly absorb and process it.

Or maybe I haven’t processed it yet! Maybe the CK extravaganza psy-op(?) got to me! Maybe I’m just a foolish nearly 83-year-old woman, who keeps on “thinking” she can “figure it all out.” (i.e., 3D.) Whatever it is! Fascinating (fake?) apparent conundrums draw me in like a moth to a flame.

Or: maybe I’m still in the chrysalis phase, not yet birthed from worm into butterfly. Else why would I have been so gobsmacked, once again, when, hormonally stabbed awake, I robotically opened my ipad, as usual, at 2 AM?

 

Yesterday’s post revealed my own unconscious biases . . .

September 23, 2025

Note: See last post.

Please do read both Laura Bruno’s two comments on fine points of the astrology of Charlie Kirk and his (apparent) death; as well as former brother-in-law and friend John Cowan’s comment the day before on how both left and right are indeed two wings of same bird, and the agenda is to keep us guessing, and confused; much better to step away and focus on the here and now.

John and I had discussed this situation the day before, having both come across the Katherine Austin Fitts post.

Laura and I, who is not even half my age, are long term friends, though mostly at a distance, and especially connected through our astrological interests, though she is much more interested in all the weird points beyond the usual planetary influences than I am.

But: her post did prompt me to look again at the Charlie Kirk drama.

I then found myself focusing in on my own “take” on his wife Erika, and her public appearances since, including at the Memorial extravaganza, which, reminded me of more a Christian evangelical event and political rally than an actual Memorial.

I did feel that, while dipping into the event here and there and not staying. And so considered the entire extravaganza “staged,” which means, for me, bad, wrong — and, frankly, was and am also concerned about its apparent erosion of the American ideal of separation between church and state, which Thomas Jefferson first brought to the founders attention.

It does seem that “Christian nationalism” is in the offing, no? Not that I have anything against Christianity, or any other religion, but I do question its centrality in more and more political discussions. How about the ancient adage, also called The Golden Rule, “Do onto others as you would have them do unto you.” I.e., the centrality of empathy in daily life. Isn’t that enough? Does that have to be interpreted as a Christian idea? Even AI says no, though this particular AI is likely fed by those of a specifically Christian persuasion. 

In any case, what interests me here is how I was not doing onto others as I would have them do unto me.

I refer here to my extreme, and severe judgment against Erika Kirk.  And what got me there was that this morning I actually bothered to read through, in its (relatively short) entirety, the Epoch Times compilation that arrived in my email.

https://lists.theepochtimes.com/archive/hL9PwF1E6/RontmvJPy/oXZUXiyncTV

This compilation included material about the background of Erika Kirk. And frankly, I was blown away. Blown away by my own ignorance, and my own previous lack of interest in actually widening my perspective on this woman — I just saw her as a beautiful woman who takes advantage of her situation, who uses feminine wiles to ingratiate herself with others, so no wonder she ended up as the new head of The Turning Point.

In other words, I was looking at her through an unconscious personal framework within myself that goes back to childhood, when my mom (bless her heart) wanted  her six daughters to dress well and to be pretty. That’s about it. I rebelled, even back then, said I wanted to live from the inside out, not the inside in.

Unfortunately, my early bias is, I realize now, still operating inside me, and skewing, or unconsciously refusing, in this case, any other way of looking at Erika Kirk (who, BTW, now that I’ve also seen her astrology, is a Scorpio! so no wonder her powerful, controlled, emotionality!)

So the fact that she has been a long-time activist, that she has begun and led movements and projects of her own to bring conservatives together, way before getting together with Charlie Kirk, just never had a chance to enter my awareness, so stubbornly ignorant was I.

When I view her through a wider lens, and the entire movement in general that both she and Charlie were principals in, my unconscious blindness reveals itself.

 

So yes John, I DO need to pay attention to the here and now.

Which, it turns out, parallels my skewed views of the larger drama. The fractal nature of MY reality! For example:

I couple of days ago I was taking photos while two neighbors were starting to put “toppers” on street signs in the Green Acres Neighborhood. That task had been accomplished at least a decade ago, but most of the toppers had been stolen since then, likely by IU students moving out of the neighborhood at the end of the school year.

Okay. So neighbors Mariella and Bill were starting to put the new toppers up (22 signs to go), and I was there, to take photos to send to the city to prove that we were doing what we said we would in order to get the grant for the toppers.

They put up two signs. Took about a half hour, with me taking pictures.

Then I walked home.

Then, a few hours later, I happened to walk down the street and came to, what I thought, incorrectly, was the same corner where we had put up one of the toppers.

 

THE TOPPER WAS GONE!

Instantly, my feverish mind remembered that there had been two fellows lurking nearby, seeming to laugh at our efforts (not easy for a 5’2 woman to go up the rickety ladder, and for the 80-year-old man in charge of the project to hold the ladder for her) . And instantly, in my mind, accused these fellows of going up and stealing the topper as soon as we left.

This accusation I then spread to others in the neighborhood by email.

Then Bill put me straight: that was NOT one of the corners that we had installed the new topper.

OOPS!

My penchant for paranoid judgment, with in this case, the wrong environmental context, had caught me red-handed, just as my paranoid judgment against spectacles of any kind, especially those that blend religion with politics, and even more, my paranoid view of young beautiful women, had been blasted into awareness, big time.

Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa!

 

Tomorrow I’ll look myself at especially the personal significance for both Charlie Kirk and Erika Kirk, of their outer planet astrology. Both were born during that extraordinary turnover humanity went through, namely the end of the so-called Cold War, ignited by the Fall of the Berlin Wall on November 9, 1989. Astrologically, this event featured a rare conjunction between Uranus/Neptune, and for Erika, and even rarer conjunction between Uranus/Neptune and Saturn, all in the sign of Capricorn. Truly, they were both born during the turn of an age, when Capricorn structures were set to be blasted to smithereens, only awaiting Pluto’s transit through Capricorn, from 2008 through January 2024, and thus including the covid con that blasted our trust in so-called authorities of any kind.

The Turning Point spectacle of two days ago, shows this shift reaching maturity, and about to morph into the truly Aquarian Age, when we can each be fully ourselves, while fully networked with others.

And/or, we can suffer the consequences of that networking, should the technocratic tip-toe capture, not just our bodies and minds, but our souls.

Through religion?

Is this even remotely possible?

Not if each of us lives from the inside out, and that includes processing what comes up to awareness from our own unconscious shadow that automatically projects on others what belongs to the self.