Reflections on MARRIAGE: My four marriages, my (still) “new theory of marriage”

Autumn . . . The falling leaves . . . drift past my window . . .

Autumn. Annual nostalgia time. But given extra oomph when one is old, very old.

Last night I called my long-time, 84-year-old friend Claudia; we talked for probably an hour. At one point she suddenly said, “We’ll never see each other again.” To which I agreed. (She lives off the coast of Seattle; and both of us now forgo flying long distances.) I then continued: “And I’ll probably never see any of my siblings again, either.” (Two are deceased. Six of us remain alive. I am the oldest.)

I met Claudia back in 1985, half a lifetime ago. In San Francisco. She attended one of my astrology presentations; we were arranged in a seated circle, and she plunked herself down directly across from me. Thus began probably the most important relationship of my long life, since I was able to “process” anything with her, anything. She always had a perspective that I needed, always. And what I was always processing, was, for the first 25 years that we knew each other, relationships with men. (She, remarkably enough, had already let go of male/female relationships.)

Personal Processing

 

This week, I’ve been looking back at those relationships, in order to begin to fill a category called “relationships” on my tendrepress.com site. (Not even sure if that category is set up yet. If so, it will be, and soon!)

In any case, what strikes me especially, is how each of my “romantic” (I put the word in quotes because what it evokes seems so silly now!) relationships with men was a huge teacher. In fact, that given my fiery, take-charge nature, this is how I learned. I needed to have a person across from me whom I was attempting to control — and failing! Of course. One does not control another. I know that now. Sure took me awhile!

Okay. So here are two essays. The first sets out the chronology of my four marriages: 6 years, 2 years, 1 year, and 12 years respectively, and all between the ages of 20 and 60.

The second essay situates those cycles (for that is what they were, ontologically) in what — way back in 1981! — I labeled A New Theory of Marriage. And wow, I’d say that essay is even more meaningful now, over 40 years later.

I’VE BEEN MARRIED FOUR TIMES

 

Excerpt:

 

TOWARDS A NEW THEORY OF MARRIAGE

 

It begins:

 

Let’s face it. Whatever goes on in this embodied life, if we are conscious, we begin to categorize our own memories in terms of patterns. Patterns, i.e., space/time cycles which then, once any particular cycle closes, we can look back and to see it as “meaningful.” In fact, that’s what “meaningful” means!

And that means that the longer we live, the more patterns we can identify and recognize. Life, simply, grows richer and richer and richer. So grateful for these nearly 84 years!