Sometimes I wonder what I’m still doing here. Why am I still alive, in this body?

Even more relevant: Sometimes I wonder how I managed to actually stay embodied, and in fact, shed most of the personal “stuff” that dragged me down, over these eight plus decades. In fact, at this point, I’m basically a free being, no longer subject to oral addictions of any kind.

My oral addictions were rooted in my particular version of PTSD: weaned from the breast to a cup at nine months old, the day my father left for World War II. I imagine, looking back, that Mom’s milk dried up, so traumatized was she by his departure. But then, why wean me to a cup? Why not a bottle?

So grateful that my personal path led me to study astrology, and ponder my own birth chart, with its placement of the  security-oriented Taurus Moon (my child self) and its relationship to nearby eruptive Uranus and stern Saturn.

In any case, that little girl, “Orphan Annie” has been present, ever since I named her, and started working with her, back when transit Uranus opposed its original position at 1+° Gemini (ages 38 to 42).

That was half a lifetime ago. This year (age 83+) Uranus has moved another half cycle, to return to the degree it occupied at my birth.

See my many Uranus Return posts.

And wow, I’m still here! My oral addictions did not manage to kill me!

For which I am extremely grateful! And astonished, actually.

On the other hand, I could say that my addictive tendency has now corralled me into a very strict daily schedule, especially in regards to exercise and nutrition. Perhaps too strict? Should I declare one day off each week? In other words, I’m starting to utilize eruptive Uranus to disobey stern Saturn!

Mulling that one over.

Looking over hundreds of essays I have written, and paying attention to themes, I notice that all sorts of them have to do with addiction, in one way or another. So I’ve decided to make an e-book of them. Six essays, so far, with probably at least several more.

Here’s what I’ll put on the cover:

And maybe with this quote:

“I had to change, and I couldn’t.”