DANGER! Stomping Slowly, on a Virgo-esque Expedition

January 7, 2025

Sooooo . . . yesterday, staying home, not being outside for my usual vigorous 3-4 mile walk, drove me nuts. Even the snow shoveling didn’t do it. (I do wonder how Colin, my paralyzed, nerve-damaged son, does it, day after day in the same bed, inside; he and I have much the same nervous system. Obviously, he’s far ahead of me in learning how to stay present, no matter what. See my near-daily posts on his long, excruciating journey.)

Sooooo . . . today I thought I’d go to the post office and mail those two packages that I mentioned in yesterday’s post; at most a half-mile walk; with unknown snow conditions. Or at least I’d try to do it.

Puppy Scampi started out with me; but, once again, soon turned back, insistent. Okay. And actually, good! His little nervous self that continuously darts about, pulling me this way and that way would definitely destabilize me on this perilous journey. Best to go alone, backpack holding the packages.

Son Colin, of course, doesn’t want me to go outside at all, given that he figures, one fall, and I’d break my 82 year old hip.

Probably true! But his fear wasn’t going to stop me. Okay, yes, it’s dangerous, but so is going up and down steep indoor stairs to the basement, which I do many times each week.

So I took Scampi back home and began again. Figuring, if all went well, it would probably take about an hour.

I learned: to stay extremely focused on what’s right in front of me. To get and remain focused, in a Virgo-esque way, checking conditions, analyzing current threats, etc., in order to remain aloft. I learned: the best way to walk over treacherous snow and ice is to stomp, slowly, inch by inch if necessary; and especially, to not walk (stomp) on downhill, or even uphill, streets. Instead, plough through the sidelines, in deep snow, until the bottom (or top) is reached. (This is a hilly town.)

I learned: to see my journey as an expedition, like Everest, I thought, fancifully. Changing conditions always: obviously slick (walk next to the icy parts, not on them); not obviously slick (most treacherous, usually snow on top); steep snow and ice hills (where ploughs had been); places where nothing has been done since the storm, so that it was like trudging on beach dunes,  each footfall an effort. And so on. You get the picture. I was fully engaged, in the moment, and DID NOT FALL. Though I did slide three or four times, just a few inches, before quickly catching myself (thank you yoga, chikung, taichi!).

On arrival at the post office I felt triumphant. One clerk in front, one out back; no customer but me. (And actually, on my entire adventure, I only saw one other person out walking, a young man.)

I felt so triumphant indeed, that I decided to see if I wanted to go get groceries too; to start walking (slowly stomping, Virgo-esque) in that direction. And the farther I went, the better I felt internally. This expedition was really getting my juices going! Ended up getting lots of root veggies at Fresh Thyme, and a quart of organic yogurt at Aldi, plus a few other heavy items.

So, on my way home, my backpack was both full and heavy. Probably 20 pounds. I noticed that the deeper the weight, the more it stabilized me; so grateful that I had decided to go shopping; both for that fact, and for the fact that I had decided to dare myself to go in the first place, and, in the second place, to then go much further than I had expected to. Ended up stomping carefully, slowly, about two miles on a two-hour journey.

Called, triumphant, to tell my son Colin went I arrived home. He, predictably, was furious. “MOM! One fall, and you break your hip, and you’re done!”

Oh well. I need to follow my own internal guidance.

He did convince me to order some

Aliglow Ice Snow Grips Over Shoe/Boot Traction Cleat Spikes Anti Slip Footwear

Well, I’m back . . .

January 6, 2025

. . . and snowed in.

Most of the rest of this day will be spent dealing with the hand winter has dealt us without falling down and breaking another bone. (Broke left wrist last February falling on black ice.)

Greatly appreciated the past two weeks in the dead of winter, during which I mused my way through lots of old paperwork, to discard some, keep some, and send a few very specific, esoteric items to two people who might appreciate them. Emailed them both first, and they both said YES! — excited. So that felt good.

But the main benefit of that paperwork exercise, which I have been working on periodically for a number of years now, is that it stirs up old memories, sometimes ones I had forgotten about entirely! And, at this “advanced” age (82), I find myself feeling so very grateful that I was internally guided to record, in one way or another, so very many of my life’s experiences. Each memory is like a jewel, to be identified, recognized, and appreciated, not just for its intrinsic value, but for how it radiates out, to illuminate and reconfigure ever- widening contexts of meaning.

How very fortunate I am to be a consciously aging crone, not just mentally, but emotionally, spiritually, and physically, as well; I am the rare being who, for over two decades now, has spent two full hours daily on what I call “physical culture:” walking yoga, chikung, taichi.

No wonder I don’t “do” allopathic medicine (except for orthopedics and real emergencies). I am the one in charge of my own health.

Indeed, when I think of how I’ve been working holistically with my mind/body/soul/spirit as an integrated system, for what is it now, 50 years? Something like that. Actually more, if I include my decision to refuse a ride and instead walk home two miles after working 8 hours daily at my first and only summer wage slave job as a 16-year-old. By the time I arrived home, my utter fury at having spent 8 hours at what was, for me, a frustrating, boring task (retyping, on a manual typewriter, a nurse’s manual in a room by myself with a big round clock on the wall), would be utterly spent, the body’s fast, rhythmic movement working it through until done. And what’s truly significant here, I NOTICED that walking home helped me; that this way I could process (though I wouldn’t have used the word “process” back in 1958) and thus temporarily eliminate, the ever-arising internal fiery energy that if not consciously utilized, degenerated into rage.

Thus, from that time on, I have always walked; as an extremely intense, fiery person (double Sagittarian — Sun and Ascendant — with pushy Mars also in that sign, opposite eruptive Uranus) walking three to five miles daily has truly saved my life. 

Until today. Puppy Scampi refuses to go on a walk with me through the deep snow. I’ve decided to take his advice, and will instead use the internal energy build-up shoveling snow.