My Sunday LAF meditation turns decidedly personal . . .

An old friend, Janet, now located in South America, and I got together again over the phone for our weekly Sunday 8 AM (your time zone) LAF meditation. Recognizing that the entire world has been inundated with the F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real) virus promoted by the so-called powers that be in order to drive all of humanity into a roboticized, technocratic, transhumanist, despotic, globalist Great Reset, aka New World Order, several of us had decided in August that rather than just batting fear away, we would take action.

We began on August 22, at 8:02 AM, the exact time of the Full Moon in the final degree of Leo. Leo rules the heart. The final degree of any sign symbolizes what must be learned before the next sign can be successfully embarked upon.

So, what must be learned? Coeur-age, that is, we must dare to open the heart, no matter what comes, and keep it open, so that the LOVE that fills and fuels the universe may pour through and alchemize the continuously invading F.E.A.R.

During our last LAF meditation, Janet found herself going back over fearful situations in her life, doing personal work to alchemize memories. This time, she said her LAF meditation was easy, natural, not personal.

And myself?

After seven Sundays, I’m proud? — no; embarrassed? not exactly; chagrined? closer — to announce that this morning, for the first time since we began, my own meditation was decidedly personal. Sure, I want to help “save the world” from the predations of the evil ones. But so what? First, I must learn how to save myself.

And to say that it took this long, seven Sunday meditations, for me to turn from thinking myself a sort of “universal helper” to recognizing that I’m a severely wounded being, just like everyone else, is, yes, a matter of chagrin. The ego is involved. I cannot but admit that.

Okay, what happened.

For about three months now, I have been in pretty much unwilling contact with a woman who comes from afar, is on the road, looking for a place to call home. As soon as I met her, I realized, on an unconscious level, that she felt like a “sucker,” that is, she sucks my energy. I tried to bat that recognition away, but it hasn’t worked.

Which makes this a perfect situation for me to learn about my own need to disentangle from the tendrils of others who, usually without realizing it, seek to manipulate me through calling upon my sympathy, my empathy.

Okay, she contacted me again by email mid-week, said she would be in town and wanted to do the next Sunday meditation with me, and to come share a meal. Though I noticed my stomach contracting in response, at first I provisionally agreed, but said that I had to think about it. After sitting for 24 hours with the stubbornly unchanging instinct that did NOT want to see or be with her again, and especially, that did NOT want to do this meditation in her presence, I emailed her again to say so, trying to be nice, but full of as much desperation myself as I detect in her that she NOT contact me.

A few hours later, I felt badly about the tone of my reply, and emailed her yet again, saying she could try me again in one month. That I might feel differently by that time.

It might help to know that this woman has her Sun and Moon closely conjunct in Taurus, and that they both nearly exactly conjunct my Moon in Taurus. That fixed, earthy Taurus Moon has long been the part of me that I’ve had to come to terms with, since my restless and aspiring Sagittarian Sun/Ascendant and Mars constantly seek to view this material world from high above. For me, what has helped to ground myself immensely are physical and emotional practices that work with the body, to bring my mind in attunement with that stubborn lunar part of me that seeks security, safety in the material world. Furthermore, during these last 18 years, I have managed to create a tiny little permacultural paradise around me that meets with my Sagittarian visions of what this world could look like if, together, we re-member how to connect more fully with (Taurus) nature: see

That this woman’s Sun/Moon link so closely to my Moon shows my emotional identification with both her nature and her desperation. I can’t seem to “shake” her. She keeps coming back.

On her part, over these past two years she has been undergoing an immensely powerful, once-in-a-lifetime Plutonian transit back and forth over her Capricorn Ascendant, and so, despite her desperation to find a place to call home (Sun/Moon in Taurus), she must ultimately consent to bottoming-out, dying to who she thinks she is (and that includes her resume, which is extraordinary), in order to be reborn.

Okay, so that’s the situation going into today’s meditation with Janet. I told Janet the story, and we processed for awhile, realizing that this woman — seeking relief, feeling abandoned, no friends, needing a place to call home, and, most of all, desperate — represents a vast segment of humanity today — refugees of various kinds who have been uprooted, due to various causes and conditions, usually originating in transnational predatory capitalism, with the entire situation worsened enormously by the ongoing Covid Con. Indeed, we might generalize further to say that most settled people today F.E.A.R this rootless state, and try desperately to both keep refugees away and make sure it’s not their fate.

So . . . Janet and I decided to once again to begin with a focus on feelings, on the fearful feelings that most of us try to either deny, or at least to hold inside or project onto others. Once again, as we did last week, we decided to let our emotional bodies move into full on howling, shrieking, however best the buried collective pain be allowed to express. And this time, we also encouraged bodily movement. For me it meant standing up and noticing myself going into full-on defensive mode, again and again, howling while thrusting away with my fists the woman whose desperately needy energy sucks at my soul.

I was trying, and failing, to “get rid of her.”

Then, during our meditation, I felt discouraged, noticing myself still wrestling with the energy of this woman, noticing that indeed, no matter what I do, I can’t seem to be rid of my identification with her plight.

About 15 minutes in, I began to notice a gradual shift. Hard to put it in words here; it felt like my “identification” was morphing into communion with the whole; that through my identification with her I could feel much more strongly the F.E.A.R. that grips the world, and that we need to fully face and embrace in order to alchemize it into LOVE.

Now I was feeling the F.E.A.R. of the whole world as channeled through her being into my heart, which then, I was able to keep open and allow the universal LOVE pouring through to both penetrate and alchemize.

Indeed, I realize now, were it not for this woman, I would have been able stay somewhat “above it all,” thinking, after all, I’ve conquered my F.E.A.R., so what’s wrong with any of you that you haven’t? Yet, my mind had captured me, leaving behind my body, which of course still, and always will, seek security.

So I thank this woman, for her service, in showing me just how much I still have to learn.



LOVE AND FEAR: We know both. Which do we choose to act upon?

It continues. Whenever I go to Aldi, I don’t wear a mask. And inevitably, I am greeted cheerfully by masked folks in the long check-out lines. As if they are glad that I don’t wear a mask. As if they wish they were so bold. Will my not wearing a mask today inspire them next time?

Today, I had three items in my arms. Everyone in line except me had a full basket. As we waited close behind each other (to hell with social distancing) I noticed some “tights” on their weekly special aisle. Wondered if they contained polyester (I’m allergic.) Didn’t have my readers with me. Asked the middle-aged masked woman behind me if she would look at the label to see, ‘cuz I didn’t have my readers. “Well, I’ll have to put on my readers!” she laughed. The masked old woman behind her laughed too. Now all three of us were laughing.



Just then the masked older woman in front of me asked, with a dramatic sweeping motion of her arm, “Would you like to go in front of me?” “Oh yes! Thanks so much! You’ve just cancelled your karma with your dharma!” This time four of us were laughing.

I walked out of there heart lifted and expanded, as usual, thinking WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY.

Notice: this simple, powerful song was written and came into prominence during the late ’60s, another extremely tumultuous time. We prevailed. We will prevail again.


Oops! Or will we?


Despite the unrelenting fear propaganda, some of us really are immune. We refuse their stupid jabs designed to wreck our immune systems.  And we give tips to others,  when invited, vaxxed or unvaxxed, about various ways to strengthen their immune systems. 

And then there’s the Zelenko Zstack, if you seek an all-in-one solution.

And every day, we hear of small local victories, especially with the coeur-ageous FREE SPEECH of so-called “domestic terrorist” parents in front of school boards. The latest:

And even in the courts! SAVE THE CHILDREN.

Reminder: Sunday LAF meditation, 8 AM your time zone, tomorrow: LOVE ALCHEMIZES FEAR.

Neck ‘n neck, race to the finish line: Great Reset vs. Great Awakening

The Covid Conundrum keeps on mutating, as the march towards the Great Reset races neck and neck with the march towards the Great Awakening. According to Clif High, October is the month when 30% of the normies (likely the vaxxed) WAKE UP.  (Ye Gods! Only three weeks left? What will be “the news” that opens sleepy normie eyes? Financial crash? Massive Hunter Biden reveal? Durham Report? Crimes against Humanity?) According to Juan O Savin, we need 80% of the U.S. population AWAKE before we use the military to take down the cabal. Otherwise, civil war. And, he claims, we have about 70% now. So: If about 50% of the population are vaxxed (probably not that high), and if 30% of those do WAKE UP this month, are we not up to and over the required 80%?

But then, there’s this:

In a civil war, the authoritarian left would be easily beaten; but it won’t end there

Here are five more posts which, as a set, demonstrate the evolutionary edge this Conniving Covid Crap is provoking.

Hmmm . . . How many companies are also having this particular difficulty because of Covid bullshit?

Companies are so desperate to fill jobs they’re getting rid of drug tests

Check out England. First six months after the vax:

Fact Check: 30,305 people did die within 21 days of having Covid-19 vaccine, says ONS: it’s simple math

Lots of sports figures are refusing the vax. Or, if consenting, with this recognition:

NBA star Andrew Wiggins on getting vaccinated: “I guess you don’t own your body”

Follow the money!

And of course, Famous Fraud-ci (who now has his very own movie out — gag) makes headlines again in one of his many appearances before the bought and paid for MSM. Question: who owns Fauci? Because you know very well that this highest paid official in the U.S. Gov is NOT singing his own tune. He’s just another, unusually narcissistic — loves the limelight and has proved his staying power — psychopathic puppet for the ones who remain hidden, in the shadows. Some even say aliens . . .

Fauci says people have to give up what you consider your individual right of making your own decision on vaccines

Yeah, and besides, once they use successive boosters to turn you into a transhuman nano-AI robot, you won’t need to make any decisions, because . . . no more free will. So come on folks, do it now, just give in!

And yet . . .

Was there ever anyone more fun to make fun of?

On balance, what impresses me is human resilience throughout this latest, and most difficult endurance test we’ve ever, ever, EVER! encountered. So magnificent, so magical, we human beings. I discovered this once again last night when son Colin and I attended an in-person meeting near Martinsville, Indiana with about two dozen other unmasked people, all there to support and participate in a regional meeting of COS (Convention of States). I had  been invited as a result of signing this petition at the local fair a few months ago.

Initially, I wanted to go just to see who the people are locally who would attend such a meeting. (In the same way I began to attend UFO conferences. Who ARE these people? My interests start out sociological, and then mutate into — what? true believer? NO. But expanded awareness? YES!)

One redneck had on a Defend the Police teeshirt.

And of course, none of them were from Bloomington, which the mostly rural folk in the room told me they refer to as “The People’s Republic of Bloomington.”

I must say, I was very impressed. Lots of energy, lots of stories, some of which I missed, since we were late, having gotten lost.

Which is a story in itself, to wit: The new highway construction was making it very difficult for us to figure out how to get to the meeting at a church to which we had never been, and son Colin forgot his phone, and my phone doesn’t have the usual capacity. So we asked a woman in Martinsville, and she tried to explain, but then just gave up, and said, “Follow me.” So we did, about five confusing miles. When we arrived, Colin told me to take out what was in a bag in the back seat and hand it to her. So I did: a little cake, and some fruit jam — both Amish made. She was thrilled, and her kids in the back seat had a terrific lesson in the gifting economy.

Okay back to the meeting. We did arrive in time to hear from two people who were recently fired from their jobs, both for refusal to take the vax. One of them is/was a pastor who had just preached about the Covid Con to his congregation — and was then let go.

My kind of people.

One woman especially, blew everybody away, with her utter determination and infectious enthusiasm for the task at hand. She’s been personally investigating voter fraud here in Indiana, and no surprise, is already finding the same patterns as shown in Maricopa County, Arizona. Here’s another petition website she has just started.

And believe you me, she — and we — will get results. This is We the People movement is spreading from state to state, as localities everywhere WAKE UP in time to defeat the globalist Great Reset.

Oh, and BTW: when you push the “donate” button on her new website, here’s what pops up. YES!



Tonics for the Human Immune System: Judy Mikovitz, Tucker Carlson

Dr. Judy Mikovitz has a much less “doomer” point of view than say, Clif High, who fully expects most vaxxed people to be dead within a few years. But, let me add: despite her soothing reassurance, everything depends on whether or not vaxxed folks recognize that their immune system needs rebuilding. As long as they “feel fine,” they may not think so.

People who are not vaxxed are often those who do pay attention to their immune systems. And paying attention is a tall order for those, usually the vaxxed, whose habits include fast food, substance abuse, sitting around on screens, and completely ignoring the natural world. Indeed, such a consistent, sustained focus on the immune system is an extremely tall order for them, and requires a profound sea change in daily habits.

The body is primary, folks. Unless we care for this body that our souls live in while incarnated on planet Earth, we end up sick, wasted, bored, desperate, obese (over 40%, at last count), and parasitic on society.

The alternative to this drudgery is to follow our soul’s call. What is the purpose of this incarnation? This is an individual matter for each of us. Check out what fascinates you; therein lies the direction of your higher intent. But to do so, the body must agree to come along! And we must partner with the body in order to do so. 

Furthermore, our bodily habits are often the result of emotional traumas that we have yet to clear. And, even for the willing, “processing” old difficult stuck memories takes time. Indeed, I’d say that the emotional traumas that we’ve all endured, the PTSD that results in habits which weaken and sicken us, is perhaps the single most difficult barrier to increasing the resilience of the human immune system. For me, it took seven long years, during which the entire time I was working with my journal, dreams, and co-counseling with certain female friends. “Orphan Annie” did not want to give up her bad habits. They fed her, she thought.

How I Stopped Smoking

Our new habits must include, as far as possible, the following: getting enough sleep, daily aerobic exercise, fresh, local and organic food, substituting good addictions for bad addictions (that’s what I had to do), supplements such as Vitamins C, D3, Zinc, NAC, C-60, Quercetin, Chaga mushroom (that’s basically my regimen), and paying attention to one’s weight. A tall order for those who have simply ignored their bodies, and/or who live in horrific fear of dying, and so are easy targets for the MK Ultra F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real) psy-op that seems to have thrown at least half the world into chronic psychotic terror, which itself, of course, stresses the immune system to the breaking point.

With that long caveat, here’s Dr. Judy with Stew Peters, in a video meant to reassure us that life need not be over, whether or not we took the jab.

Dr. Judy Mikovitz talks shedding, jab recovery, and defeating the virus.

Another fabulous tonic for the human immune system is laughter. Gut wrenching belly laughter. Here’s Tucker on the Church of Fauci. Spot on. Lacerating. Hilarious.


ASTROLOGY OF ANTHONY FAUCI — plus family crest and lineage

Good news. The NIH director is to step down by the end of 2021.

But Murderous King Fauci? Collins’ supposed underling, Anthony Fauci, head of the NAIAD, lives on, and in fact, has been seated on his exalted throne, waving the increasingly sophisticated wand of global genocide, during the tenure of seven presidents so far!

Check out this Juan O Savin video, where he describes, in detail, how MKUltra mind control programming is now being used in an attempt to capture, and exterminate, as far as possible, the entire human race.

An unvaxxed friend of mine, who recently moved to South America, and arrived just in time to not need a vax certificate to fly, moved into her new apartment only to discover that the woman who lives in the apartment next door to her used to work for Fauci. She left six years ago, calls him “a monster,” and said that she had discovered her home and office were bugged.

The fact that 80-year-old Faux-ci is still the head of the NAIAD after 38 years, and making the highest salary of anyone in the federal government, should give anyone pause. Who IS this Napoleonic figure that remains “in office,” even after all the email exposure tying him to Wuhan, and the obvious outsourcing of gain-of-function research exposed by the indefatigible Rand Paul, who has grilled him at least three times in full public view.

I searched back through my now archival site,, and discovered about two dozen posts where I at least mention his name, and many of them directly focused directly on his extreme and continuing, smooth-talking-out-of-both-sides-of-his-mouth perfidity.

A couple of days ago, someone sent me another interview with Dr. David Martin, this one with Mercola, and, as usual, Martin was all over Fauci’s case. 

BTW. In case you’re still not sure about whether or not the vax is dangerous, even deadly, here’s a VAER’s analysis:

And here’s another place where you can look up the data (that which is reported, anyhow). This one may be more thorough than VAERS.

Today, on this New Moon in Libra conjunct energizing Mars with purgative Pluto turning to go direct, I decided to investigate False-ci further, by looking at both astrology, and his own family line.

Here’s his chart, set for 0° Aries Ascendant.


Anyone familiar with astrological patterning will notice the enormous fixed emphasis in this chart, and that he sports an extremely powerful, entrenched, and secretive T-cross that features Jupiter and Saturn at 5° and 8° Taurus, opposed to Moon at 7° Scorpio, with all three opposing planets square Pluto at 3° Leo. PLUS: his Mars, at 22° Scorpio, exactly opposes Uranus in Taurus, also at 22°.

The fixed cross acts like a bow, with the midpoint an arrow that shoots to the other side, in this case the fixed sign that is missing in the fixed cross: Aquarius. On a hunch, I looked up Rand Paul’s birthchart, and yep, both his Mercury at 5° and his Saturn at 10° of Aquarius complete Fauci’s T-cross. Rand Paul is the perfect person to oppose and expose Fauci’s lies (Mercury/Saturn) without getting “triggered” himself. YES.

One would think, that with Mercury and Venus both in truth-seeking Sagittarius, Fauci would want, above all, to tell the truth! But no. He’s a chronic, pathological liar, utilizing his Neptune in Virgo square both Mercury and Sun to obfuscate, confuse, deny, and just plain lie.

Since Fauci is already 80 years old,  and on his way to his first and only Uranus return at 84 —and has been the head of the NAIAD for 38 years, approaching a half-cycle of Uranus — I wondered if the return of Uranus to its natal place would be what it would take to uproot this monster from his global throne.  (Notice that unpredictable, volatile Uranus is now in earthy Taurus, and has been since summer 2018, where it has been doing a great job providing earthquakes and volcanos, don’tcha think?)

Now half-way through its 7-year transit through Taurus, Uranus sits at 14°, only eight degrees from Fauci’s natal Uranus position at 22° Taurus, where remember, it opposes Mars in Scorpio, also at 22°.

Notice that when Uranus began to transit Fauci’s fixed T-cross, back in 2019, he was slowly moving into his long-awaited position of extreme prominence, getting ready to unleash the global bioweapon.

Now at 14°, Uranus sits between the T-cross and the Mars/Uranus opposition. By next August, it will reach 18°, and June through October 2023 Uranus will begin to reach its return, hovering around 22° Taurus.

Ye gods! Must we wait that long to see Fauci not just dethroned, but hung?!?

Meanwhile, his Sun is at 2°46 Capricorn. Using the next whole degree, I find both the sabian symbol for 3° Capricorn and one person’s interpretation of it extremely interesting. Geez!

It appears that False-ci has not only not fulfilled the promise of his soul’s evolutionary growth as shown in this symbol, (not to mention his Mercury/Venus refusal to tell the truth), but that, thanks to the AI nano in the vax, he is actively working to disconnect the entire global population from the very notion of soul —not to mention his complete disregard of the natural brilliance of the human immune system.

Okay. I’ll conclude with an astonishing meme. Note that Fauci is connected to the Abys (ABYSS!) family through his maternal line. And note the Abys family crest .  . .



Check out the child being swallowed whole by the snake. Did you know that foster children were used as guinea pigs by the NAIAD during the AIDS era. Surprised?

As he moves through the final phase of his global reign of terror, Fauci is attempting to expand his guinea pig experiment to include all humans on planet earth.


Aha! Just in. Fauci foiled?



WHAT’S IN THOSE CV “vaccine” VIALS? Dr. Carrie Madej: “Nothing I’ve ever seen before”

Besides translucent colors, and apparently self-organizing bits, this. “Object? Organisim?”

“All I can say is it appeared to be self-aware, with tentacles that lifted itself off the glass.”

Furthermore,  Madej claims, all three vaccines, including the J & J, appear to contain graphene oxide.

Then there are the “operating systems” — “artificial intelligence inside the human body” — “this is the beginning of transhumanism, which can be used for surveillance . . .”

She said she has never cried so hard in her life.



The Covid Confusion Op: How Double (and triple, quadruple, etc.) Binds Hijack The Mind

In the ‘double bind’ there are two conflicting levels of communication and an injunction against commenting on the conflict.”

Tell me, is this not what humanity is experiencing now? It’s not just the cognitive dissonance that arises when what you already believe or want to believe conflicts with something you are told or read. It’s worse: double (or multiple) binds occur when numerous layers of conflicting info come at us from a million directions. What happens as a result? Unless we can hold the awareness of an observer or witness  while considering any number of conflicting layers, we will fall into confusion, and ultimately mental paralysis.

To give but one example of the double (multiple) bind, Faux-ci’s enormous numbers of conflicting remarks and advice over the past 20 months. These contradictions are deliberate: they illustrate a well-known MK Ultra mechanism used for controlling the mind.

Let’s get real. This Covid Confusion Op is intentional.

When we are mentally paralyzed we give up.

We give in.

Go ahead. Do with me what thou wilt. Sure. More jabs. Sure. No contact. Sure double, triple masks forever. Sure. Chip me. Sure. Whip me. Sure. Kick me. Sure. Kill me. Sure. Sure. Sure.

Unless we do practice developing an internal witness consciousness, the demonic entities in charge of this global operation to MK Ultra mind control humanity WILL SUCCEED in their globalist goal to exterminate 95% of the world’s population.

How to develop an internal witness consciousness? I discovered it via Gurdjieff, what he called “self-remembering.”  It’s simple. And fiendishly difficult! We are so used to going off center, getting caught up in whatever is happening around and to us. Instead . . .

Simply NOTICE. Notice when you are going off, becoming confused. Notice, each time, what appears to be causing the confusion, and notice your response. Does confusion make you dizzy? Sleepy? Make you want to “stop and figure it out?” (HA! Every rabbit hole leads to another, branches off in a million directions.) Keep on noticing. Every time you slip away, slip into unconsciousness, notice that, and return. Return to awareness — no matter what is going on. Eventually, these moments of awareness will extend and enlarge to create a double consciousness, with your inner witness as the stable, grounded center of your world that continually presents a swirling kaleidoscope of impressions, none of which you need to attach to as “beliefs.” In the final analysis, the problem is that our need for intellectual certainty (achieved via what we hope or assume or want to prove are “true beliefs”) substitutes for our real need, emotional security.

And how do we get there? By connecting with our own bodies. By truly feeling into our bodies, recognizing them as antennas for Earth, a living, conscious being, just like we are. Does she too, get confused? I doubt it. Everything that lives upon her is entangled with everything else. Including ourselves! Only we don’t know it. For us, the Cartesian dictum: “I think, therefore I am.”  That’s how we were taught. That’s who we think we are.

No wonder so many people are having trouble recognizing, nourishing, and trusting their own immune systems! Duh!

I started to keep a folder a few weeks ago with fabulous memes illustrating double-binds, but then stopped because it just expanded so quickly. Instead, I offer you another of JP Sears’ pointed offerings, which, as usual, goes to the dark heart of the matter.


Sunday LAF Meditation, October 3, 2021: Janet (in Ecuador) and I get together, as promised

It turns out that son Colin did not join me for today’s meditation. I was secretly glad, since I had something planned for it that not many people could handle. I knew Janet was one of them. (See synchronicity, last Sunday’s meditation).

It appears that I, and we, are being guided to deepen our meditations. Here’s how this came about:

My 21-year-old housemate Ethyl, who sadly, moved out after eight restless months, while she was here, reorganized the den. This included asking me to look through all my books in there, and decide what really needed to remain on those shelves. Which is how I came across, after many many years, the Right Use of Will series of books, channeled by Ceanne DeRohan in the mid-80s. I and all my female cohorts in Jackson Hole began to read this series at about the same time, and were profoundly moved.

Ethyl brought one of these books to me just before she left, HEART SONG: Vibrating Heartlessness to Let Heart In. Bingo. This is what is needed. If we are to meditate with full couer-age, then our hearts need to be completely open and vibrating with the Love that fills and fuels the universe.

However, opening one’s heart is the work of a lifetime, as I, and many others have discovered. And that includes Janet,  the dear old friend who decided last Sunday she wants to meditate with me, and today exclaimed “Of course!” when I asked her if she remembers the Right Use of Will series.

So, during this past week I began to read the HEART SONG book, just a few pages a day. The books are intense! And this made me realize that I need to quote from this book as an introduction to what we need to do now in our meditations. Janet readily agreed, to both the quotes and what would come next.

From the book, page 46:

” . . . there is a long lost song of the Heart that needs to be sung, a lost Heart Song that’s never been sung.”

“It’s a song so plaintive, it will be hard to recognize as song the way son has been defined on Earth for so long. Judged to be the worst sounds you could ever make, you were told not to make them, told to shove them back down before it was ever known how they would sound. It’s not going to be easy to sing, especially at first, but even though it is a very painful one, this unsung Heart Song must be found worth being sung. This wailing, wrenching, keening, long lost Heart Song must be allowed to be sung.”

“It is not love’s way to make you hold this down anymore in order to make you hold what you can’t hold anymore. Now that I know what was down there, now that I know what has been held back for so long is really there, I want to help you find relief from the frozen terror, and the rage and the grief in the song choked-back sounds that died in your throats from the pain of never formed Heart’s aborted birth.”

Yes, what Janet and I decided to do this Sunday, rather than, as before, to chant the sacred “OM,” prior to formal meditation, was to allow the icky, yucky, ugly, furious howling buried inside humankind to finally find expression.

In my own life, when my husband Jeff died, I had found myself howling, on a daily basis, for some months. Deep wracking howls, issuing from such a profound place in my body that they ended up completely rewriting the script of my life. See This Vast Being: A Voyage of Grief and Exaltation.

So the idea of howling grief was not new to me, and I knew it’s function as a healing balm.

This morning, not wanting to scare anybody, I decided I’d better close all doors and windows. Janet decided to howl into a pillow, given that she lives in an apartment with other people just beyond her living room wall. In any case, we both began to howl the whole world’s ugly wrenching, heart-felt keening for about three minutes, and agreed that we will need to do it again, perhaps many times, to get the frozen buried fear and grief moving.

Given that this was the first time Janet had done this meditation, she was not surprised to find herself going back through her own life, to once again recognize how fear (and hate) had infected her as a young child whose mother not only beat her regularly, but would yank her daughter’s hair viciously whenever she brushed her hair. Janet remembers one time when she was very young, at a friend’s house when her friend’s mother was carefully, slowly, combing out her own daughter’s hair. This loving act struck young Janet in a profound manner. But then, as an adult, after many years of working through her feelings and memories of her mom, her mom happened to invite her to her home, and said she had something to give her. Silently, she sat her daughter down at the kitchen table, and then proceeded to brush her hair from behind, carefully, slowly, lovingly — just the way Janet had remembered her friend’s mother doing —  as tears coursed down her daughter’s face. That was the moment, Janet told me, when any remaining traces of resentment, hate, fear held within towards her mother completely vanished.

In my own meditation, I could sense what had been the thick stuck cesspool of fear that envelops the earth now developing holes in it — thanks to our howling? I spent my 20-minute meditation breathing love through the heart into all those holes. Soon I began to sense that Earth herself — which still harbors, usually in denial, the detritus of so much horror, cruelty, fear, hatred, terror that humans have inflicted upon one another and upon her for so long — begin to open up a bit. But Earth is shy. Is it really safe to come out? She fears we will simply tromp on her again. Can she be coaxed into responding? Into letting some of the horror go?

During the meditation I also realized that, if people are like me, and they probably are, then in order to open the heart they must first release the will, the immense expressive power contained within the solar plexus. That until this chakra is cleared, it will feel heavy, stuck, leaden. At least that was my experience. I had to spend several years breathing into the thick, stuck solar plexus area on my long daily walks, asking it to release, to expand and lighten, to begin to vibrate. Finally, it did! And what resulted was a series of dreams, in which a connection was made between my solar plexus and my heart. The energy released by the solar plexus, could then flow upwards, into and through the heart.

I sense that what prevents people from feeling either their own deeply buried feelings or the feelings buried within Earth herself, in short, what prevents people from connecting with their own bodies or the Earth of which those bodies are composed, is this awful, stuck solar plexus energy. That the massively compressed feelings within, built up over lifetimes of living in denial, when they do finally move, will also, as we say, “move mountains.”

Janet spoke of excruciating grief, as well as excruciating love. Yes. Both are so strong and so intimate, that we, in our culture, taught to be “rational” and “in control of our emotions,” find both very hard to to admit, to feel, to bear.


Once again, I ask anyone who also wants to comment on your own experience during these meditations, please do so! The more of us who speak of our own experiences, the better for all of us, the deeper and wider will be the impact of LOVE alchemizing the FEAR that still envelops our world.

COVID CON: Let’s face it folks. We’ve reached the hill that we need to be willing to die on.

Every day I scan the obits in our local Herald-Times, looking for “unexpected” deaths, especially of those who were relatively young. Never have I seen any mention of the possible relationship between getting the jab and sudden complications and/or death, happening usually, BTW, within the first two weeks, during the very period when hospitals are instructed to say that patients are UNVACCINATED. Get the con?

Here is the very first official notice I’ve seen that correlates a young healthy woman’s death with having taken the jab.

Jessica Wilson Obituary

Notice the attempt at censorship below the so-called “misleading” tweet.

Meanwhile, locally, here is an interesting thread, from my nextdoor account.

Yes, how very odd.

I thought about commenting on this thread for days, and just didn’t want to deal with the flack. But it kept nagging me. Today I bit the bullet, thus: 

BTW: when I first tried to post my comment, a sign appeared saying that if I was talking about CV-19, I would need to check my facts and edit my response. But then, when I tried a second time, it went through. Likely my response will attract haters and/or mockers in this leftist indoctrinated academic town. Or maybe an ally or two?

I do sense that it is time for all of us to speak up. That we can’t hide in the shadows any longer, “afraid what people will say.” As some whistleblowers who out themselves by name now proclaim, “This is the hill I’m willing to die on.”

Let’s face it: there’s now a race on between The Great Reset and The Great Awakening. Which it shall be depends largely on how many of us are not just willing to wake up, but to speak up, no matter what the cost. 

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